I had an old friend come and stay with me recently. We were very close before I moved away for uni but haven't caught up or spent that much time together for almost 6 years!
Having someone from that era of my life here really brought home how much my life has changed in the last few years. I pushed myself far too hard that week and yet didn't come close to doing as much as I would have done were it not for being chronically ill. For example, I couldn't choose to cook us both dinner - I had to ask P to do it and there were several days where I had to leave P to go and explore whilst I stayed home in bed. This was frustrating because some of the things they wanted to do, I would have enjoyed as well!
I'm not really sure how to describe it but it really brought it home how much things have changed. I know that there is much more I could be doing to manage my energy but I honestly just kept forgetting because this wasn't something I had to factor in to my life 5 years ago!
My attempts at recovering from the visit were disturbed by a sudden, urgent need to change my carer - something I was hopeful I would be able to put off since I will soon be employing PAs privately. Whilst here, P commented about how cold my carer is but they also witnessed 2 incidents which just spelled out how ridiculous she is as an employee. The first was her making a 45 minute long personal phone call on the balcony whilst the hoover was running on my sofa (to sound as if she was working). This is obviously seriously taking the mick. There was also another incident which was pretty disgusting, out of line and well....unbelievable. So much so that I'm going to save posting about it here. I am ok, safe etc. It was not abusive towards me.
After this drama we phoned the out of hours department and had her visit for the evening cancelled. Unfortunately this resulted in issues with care for several days. Thankfully 2 other friends came to hang out, help out if necessary and generally keep my mental health somewhat stable. They've now gone and I'm hoping I'll be in the headspace to balance rest and working through my endless to do lists over the next week or so.
The carers I have at the moment are ok-ish. Unfortunately they also take up far too much energy by not understanding most of what I'm saying and/or asking for constant clarification. Speech and communicating are difficult when I am particularly unwell so this is not particularly useful!
I had intended for this post to be about several other potentially more interesting things too but am finally becoming sleepy so will attempt to write more another time.
