Taking it out on carers

This blog is likely to contain a lot of shorter posts for a while, a lot of which will be about care agencies.

I had an altercation with a carer a little while ago where I snapped and said she took it out on me when she was in a bad mood. in response she said she didn't but I did and all the other carers agreed. at the time I was defensive but maybe they were right...in a way sort of. 

I apologised to a carer a little while ago for being snappy and explained it was because I was exhausted. They responded by saying it was ok but I should also be patient as they were trying to work it out. One carer was new and the other has worked  nights very recently. She should have known the basics but she didn't. she also wasn't listening and kept doing things that hurt me. I'd give instructions to do something differently at least 3 times before she moved her hands away. She had assumed the mentality of lead carer except her instructions to her colleague were vague like 'the cushions' - I own at least 10 cushions. When I said "I am utterly exhausted and can't explain everything right now. Please can you tell her which cushions". She responded with "the cushions" as if I had never spoken.  She clearly hadn't tried to memorise my nightly routine. 

Do I take my bad moods out on them? No.  When I'm completely exhausted, in agony and every word I utter has to be shouted to be loud enough because my lungs are weak. when every word I utter causes a surge in nausea and yet none are heard, understood or respected, do I ever let my frustration boil to the surface and snap as I give instructions I shouldn't need to be giving. Yes, absolutely.  Would it be better if I didn't? Probably yes, but there should be a far more obvious solution than me bottling it up.